


Let's End This

by Emory7Claire



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Lots of Angst, M/M, Self-Hatred, episode 12, i swear if I fail my final its this shows fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:56:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8864341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emory7Claire/pseuds/Emory7Claire
Summary: I've found myself speculating on several outcomes of the conversation. This is another one of them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my best friend, because she's a sadist and is a really bad influence on me.

"After the Final, let's end this."

Yuuri continues before Victor can say anything, his low voice going at a hundred miles a second. "I'm not going to win, I failed you. There's no point in you being my coach once the competition is over. And you clearly want to go back to competing, so I don't want to stop you."

Yuuri stares down at his hands which are clenched tight where they rest on his knees. He remembers that bathroom stall, the weight of his failure making him feel two inches tall. He feels it again, causing his back to arch down and curl in on himself. He doesn't realize someone is calling his name until it's shouted.

"Yuuri!" Victor's voice booms in his ears. "Are you having an anxiety attack? Breathe, please. Breathe."

It takes Yuuri a moment to see that Victor's fingers are entangled with his and he has to force himself to let them go instead of hold on tighter. _No, I have to do this. I'm just holding him back._

"Victor..."

"Yuuri." His coach's voice sounds insistent. "What were you talking about a moment ago? About me not being your coach? Is that the anxiety talking?"

Yuuri shakes his head. "No." He can _feel_ Victor's eyes drilling into him, can feel that desperation to look the skater in the eye. He can't, he just can't. If he looks into those blue diamond eyes, the tears welling up in him will spill over and he won't be able to stop them.

He swallows those tears and keeps going. "I'm not going to get gold, there's no way that I can beat Yurio or the others. My career ends tomorrow... and therefore we do too."

"Yuuri, what on earth are you talking about?" Victor's voice is a near-yell. "Are you going to look at me?"

Yuuri shakes his head again, fingers near tight enough around his phone to crack it in half. "I asked you to stay with me until I retire. I'm retiring, so you have no reason to stay with me."

Victor's silence is palatable. "Yuuri... you honestly think we could only exist together if you're still skating?"

"What other reason do you have to stay?" Yuuri is so tempted to look into those eyes, but he's afraid of how broken they'll be and how much they'll break him. "You clearly want to compete again, I'll just hold you back if we're together."

"Yuuri, even if I were to go back to competing, why would that force us apart?" Victor's hands are on his again. He tries to pull away but his coach's fingers wrap around his wrists and hold him in place. "You gave me life and love again, why would I want to throw that away?"

"Because winning is all you talked about and I failed that! You'd be better off winning without me."

"You think I'm only here for the medal?"

"What other reason is there?!"

Yuuri has almost completely folded in on himself, head bent and hair in his eyes blocking Victor from his sight completely.

"Yuuri, you've been inspiring me every day since I first meant you at the Banquet last year-"

"I'm not the only one who does that..."

"What?"

"I saw how you watched the other skaters, clearly you want to go back to competing. I'm never going to win, there's no point for you to keep coaching me and I don't want to hold you back from doing what you want!"

" _You_ are what I want."

Yuuri's tears threaten to spill over. "Please... don't. You're making this harder than it has to be."

"Make what harder? Breaking up with me?"

Yuuri's head is shaking violently. "No... I don't know."

"Then what _is_ _this,_ Yuuri?"

"I don't know!"

"Then how could you tell me to leave you?"

"Because I don't deserve you! I never have and I never will!"

Yuuri stands violently, ripping his hands from Victor's grasp. He pulls his coat on and slips into his shoes, ignoring Victor yelling his name.

"Yuuri, we need to talk about this."

The skater opens the door to their shared hotel room, allowing himself one glance at Victor. His coach's eyes are red and dripping with silent tears. Those oceans are sunken and terrified. Yuuri goes out the door before he bursts into tears.

He's stomping down the hall, heading for the elevator, when Phichit comes out of his hotel room and sees his friend.

"Yuuri?" He looks concerned. "I heard yelling, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I just need some air."

Yuuri doesn't give his old friend a second glance as he calls for an elevator and heads for the rooftop. The elevator opens and it takes one look in the penthouse to see that people are inside. He heads to the door down the hall and exists into the cold night air. The pool is empty, due to it being so late. Yuuri sits on one of the pool chairs, head resting on his hands and elbows on his knees.

_Why the hell did he say all that?_

Yuuri rakes a hand through his hair. That could have gone better; he could have kept his calm so they could talk it out. But when Victor gets emotional, Yuuri can't help but get emotional too. Someone yells and then he yells and then everything gets out of control.

Yuuri wishes Yurio had won at the Ice Castle all those months ago. That way he wouldn't be in this mess. He wouldn't be head-over-heels for the man he's longed for his whole life. He wouldn't have given him a ring and practically proposed. And he wouldn't be failing at the Finals again. He'd be helping Yuuko teach the skating lessons or working for his parents at the hot spring. Yuuri would be happy and with his family, instead of depressed and all alone once more.

Yuuri has suspected that Victor wanted to return to competing, but nothing solidified it for him until today. The hugs and flirting and kisses and missing him had been distracting him from what was now so obvious. The way Victor watched Yurio and smiled at Chris and praised Otabek makes him wonder if he watched the other competitors that way in China and Russia.

What had changed since last season's end? Victor had seemingly made up his mind about leaving skating but now he seems to be longing for the ice once more. Is winning all he can think of? Yuuri doesn't blame him, he thinks of it all the time too, but his entire career is on the line. Victor could return to skating any time he wants and everyone would be excited. Yuuri could retire and no one would miss him. He'd be the man who stole Victor for a year before being tossed away like trash. He'd be forgotten after a single season.

Yuuri shakes those thoughts from his head. Victor can and should do what he wants. Yuuri doesn't want to stand in his way. This is for the best.

The skater opens his phone and instinctively goes to Instagram. He regrets it seconds later.

The first post is a video made by Phichit, Victor standing in the center of frame and leaning over the edge of the rink. It plays and Yuuri hears Eros. Victor watches the skater--him--with entranced eyes and tense body language, unable to look away. Yuuri hears the melody that leads to his quad flip and his heart leaps into his throat when he watches Victor in the video jump and spin with Yuuri from hours ago.

Victor didn't look at any of the other skaters like this, like they were the glorious center of the universe that he couldn't take his eyes off even if he wanted to. He watches it again and again and again. Yuuri doesn't realize he's crying until hot tears begin landing on his phone screen, blurring the view of his lost love.

***

Victor knocks on the hotel room door, fidgeting as he waits for the person inside to open it. He hears grumbling and the soft patter of feet from within.

The door begins to open. "I swear, if I lose tomorrow because some jackass-" Chris's voice cuts off when he sees Victor. "Victor? What on earth are you- are you crying?"

Victor wipes the wet spots under his eyes. "Can I come in?"

Chris sighs and opens the door, stepping aside to let Victor in. Only one light is on, and Chris's boyfriend lies in their pushed-together beds.

He brushes the shoulder-length brown hair out of his eyes as he gives Victor a polite smile. "Are you alright, Victor?"

"Not really."

He feels Chris's arm come around him and he's led to the bed where he sits, getting the full attention of the two other men in the room.

"Yuuri wants to break up after the Final." Victor can hardly get the words out of his throat.

Chris's surprise is audible. "Why the hell would he want that?"

"He thinks he's going to lose and therefore wants to retire." Victor has to force down tears before he continues. "He thinks that because there's no reason for me to coach him after the Final, we can't be together."

"That's bullshit!" Chris's voice is outraged. "Why on earth would he think that?"

"I think it's his anxiety talking," Victor explains. "He seems to think that without a legitimate reason for me to be with him, I'll leave and go back to competing."

"You told me you're done with competing, doesn't he know that?"

"I thought he did..." Victor slumps where he sits. "I guess seeing the way I watched the others skate today made him think otherwise."

Chris and his boyfriend share a look. "How were you watching everyone else?"

Victor looks between them. "I was just trying to be considerate towards the others. Otabek and Yurio and you had really good performances. I may be a coach, but I can still appreciate skaters other than the one I'm teaching. Besides... I never watched any of you the way I watched Yuuri."

"Did he not see you watching him?" Chris's boyfriend ask.

"He doesn't wear contacts when he skates and he's blind as a bat." Victor chuckles. "You should see him in the mornings. Sometimes I steal his glasses just to watch him stumble around. It's adorable."

Chris shares a small smile with his boyfriend. "What would you do if Yuuri retired?"

Victor shrugs. "Go back to Hasetsu, get married, maybe work at the Ice Castle. All I know is that I'm not leaving Yuuri." He touches his ring. "Ever."

 

Victor spends another hour or two talking to Chris and his boyfriend, sharing stories about their loved ones and plans for the future. It's almost one in the morning when Victor thanks them and leaves to go back to his room. He opens it as quietly as possible and peeks inside. Yuuri is curled up on his bed, sound asleep. Victor enters the dark room and closes the door softly behind him. He undresses quickly and gets into his bed, facing Yuuri. Victor doesn't hesitate to brush a long strand of hair from his lover's closed eye, watching his peaceful face as he dreams.

Victor reaches around until he finds Yuuri's right hand and kisses the ring he placed there. "I'm not leaving you, Katsuki Yuuri. I love you."

He holds that hand until he too drifts into a peaceful sleep.

***

The next morning is quiet and tense. Yuuri and Victor keep their interactions professional throughout the practice. The other skaters and coaches give them odd looks, and Phichit tries to talk to Yuuri but he passes his friend by, telling him they'll talk about it after the competition. Yuuri messes up the quad flip every time he attempts it and he gets more and more frustrated the more times he tries. In the changing room, Chris approaches him.

"Talk to Victor sometime before you skate," he says before Yuuri can tell him off. Chris heads out the door before Yuuri can answer him.

The free skates go by in a blur. JJ does well, but won't be able to place on the podium. Otabek does very well, as does Chris. Yurio is in the lead by the time it's Yuuri's turn. He ignores the Russian punk as he sneers as Yuuri from the Kiss and Cry. He stands on the ice, leaning against the wall with Victor standing before him. He can't hear anything over the roaring in his ears.

"Yuuri... _Yuuri_."

The skater jumps as he looks up at his coach who has gotten embarrassingly close. Yuuri can see the different shades of blue in Victor's ocean eyes and the delicate sheen on his lips. Those lips are suddenly on his, hands pressing against his neck and lower back. Yuuri gasps as they break apart and Victor's gaze softens.

"I'm so sorry about last night." Victor's voice is almost too soft for Yuuri to hear. "I wish we had talked it out instead of arguing. I wanted to tell you that I love you. Please skate knowing that, whatever happens... I always want to be with you."

Yuuri initiates the next kiss, open mouthed and messy and salty from stale and fresh tears. He pulls back from Victor and meets his eyes. "Don't ever let your heart leave me."

Yuuri skates with Victor's promise motivating his movements. His heart leaps every time the light shining off his ring catches his eye. He jumps, flips, spins four times, and lands perfectly. He ends reaching for Victor who is smiling brighter than the sun. Yuuri doesn't hear his score, he only watches as Victor runs onto the ice and he skates to meet his love halfway. He's lifted off his feet as those strong arms come around him. They're kissing again and everyone is cheering, but Yuuri doesn't hear them over the pounding of his heart.

"Will you marry me now?" Yuuri asks against his lover's lips.

He can feel Victor's smile against his. "I was going to marry you no matter what."


End file.
